Impossible? I think not.

On Saturday 28th of May, Manchester United will attempt to beat, what some commentators call 'The Best Club Side of All Time'. At face value it's hard to disagree. United face an arduous task but, I believe, it can be done. It's not quite David vs. Goliath, more like David vs. some guy who is a bit better than David.

So here it is. If any of this actually happens, I'll be applying for the vacant managerial position at West Ham.

United will play a 4-5-1, counter attacking formation which retains the capacity to adapt into a 4-3-3 when attacking.

GK- Van Der Sar - picks himself, no question.

LB- Evra - great going forward, could be exposed in defense though, so maybe John O'Shea could start here, particularly to defend against the attacking presence of Dani Alves and, of course, Messi who frequently pops up on the right hand side.

CB- Vidic - captain, again, picks himself, no question.

CB- Ferdinand - ditto.

RB- Rafael - has more experience than Fabio although either twin could start. The risk in starting them is their temperament. If they're exposed it could be a long day and could lead to frustration and ill-discipline. Again, John O'Shea could start here to compensate for what the Brazilian twins lack in defensive ability. O'Shea is also more than capable in getting forward.

LM- Park - Workhorse, will contain Dani Alves from getting down the wing and at Evra at right back, should he start. Alves is an outstanding wing-back who often goes uncredited in a squad as good as Barcelona. Similarly to Evra however his defensive play is questionable. Park has shown lately that he's more of an attacking threat than he gets credit for, so he could punish aswell as contain Alves. Could be an interesting battle.

CM- Fletcher - Only player in the United squad who could contain Messi. I think he could be given the task of simply shadowing Messi for the match. Easier said than done but zonal marking against Messi has been proven useless. Fletcher should be one of the first names on the team sheet. His fitness is a doubt lately after his mystery virus but if he's back to his usual physical peak, he's a tireless and invaluable component of the United midfield.

CM- Giggs - This place in the team may go to Anderson, given Giggs' recent troubles which could affect him mentally but I think that his creative genius could be a decisive factor in controlling the match. The team that wins the midfield battle in this match will win. Make no mistake about it. The performance of the central midfield partnership, therefore, is integral and directly proportionate to how well United do in this match. Scholes' temperament and Carrick's lack of assertion in big games will mean they will be sacrificed in favour of Giggs' creative abilities.

RM- Valencia - This place could go to Nani but Valencia's work rate will work in his favour. Particularly if one of the Brazilian twins start at right back. Valencia will work the touchline all game. A fantastic old-fashioned winger who could exploit the lack of pace of Puyol (if he starts at left back, as he has recently) and get at the Barca back line. This could be the most important selection in the team.

CM/AMC- Rooney - He will drop deep to disrupt the passing games of Xavi and Iniesta. Again, easier said than done and if he gets frustrated, it could be a long day for Rooney but his fitness levels and determination wont drop. He can also burst forward if he gets the ball deep and feed Hernandez who will undoubtedly start up front.

CF- Chicharito - Again, one of the first names on the team sheet. He'll play on the shoulder of the last defender and if the Barcelona centre back partnership is as it was against Real Madrid (Mascherano and Pique), he could be in on goal frequently in the tie. It could be a fantastic game for the little Mexican. Berbatov's work rate (or lack there of will mean a place on the bench for the Transylvanian Bulgarian.

Overall I think Manchester United are certainly the best equipped team in Europe to deal with the well-oiled machine that is Barcelona. Tactics are only a blueprint for what can be done and one must remember that attempting to second guess the genius of Sir Alex Ferguson is an exercise in futility. The main positions to look out for will be the full back positions and the centre of midfield. This is where the game will be won. In my opinion it will be Messi, Xavi and Iniesta against Fletcher, Giggs and Rooney.

All of this guess work is essentially useless. I just can't wait for the game.

The Sun

"If you look very closely at the sun. . . you'll go blind.", my mother used to tell me.

From the moment I can remember remembering I was fascinated by light. Flash lights, light bulbs, lamps, street lights, indicators, L.E.D's, that little red one that would come on when the T.V was off; everything up to and including the sun.

I'd stare at them and I mean stare, examining this entity, which, when asked, I could never really describe.

"What's light?"
"Well, it's sort of. . . I dunno."

Contrastingly, I was terrified of darkness. But, I'd look at lights for so long that when I went to sleep I was never in darkness. Floats of light would form into creatures fashioned by my imagination; entire worlds spawned in front of my closed eyes until I fell asleep.

I got my first pair of glasses when I was 3 years old. The optician said I was the youngest he'd ever had.

"You're the youngest I've ever had, take a lolly."

By the age of 9 I had moved onto my 6th prescription in as many years and by 11, it was clear that either my fascination with this thing I never really understood had to go, or my vision would cease to exist.

"Look, it's not good for your eyes. Either the lights go, or your sight does, I'm an optician, I know these things, now which would you prefer?"

I knew which one I'd prefer but unlike most addictions kids have, like sugar or video games, light can't be taken away. The sun cannot be hidden on the top shelf in a closet. Thus, given my addiction, it was inevitable.

I remember the moment it happened.

I was getting a lecture from my mother for leaving my bedroom light on too late, or something.

The curtains of the kitchen window fluttered in the summer breeze, the sun occasionally finding a direct path to my eyes.

A withered rose on the window sill.

"You have got to cut it out! You heard what the man said! 'Either the lights go or your vision does', plain and simple. Now, you can start by turning off your light earlier at night and then. . ."

And then. . . darkness. And not the plain simple dark variety either. I mean darkness. Pitch black; absolutely nothing.

It wasn't that my mother stopped talking as you might have derived from the prose above, no, she continued on with her lecture, but from that point on, my concern was not what 'the man' had said. It was more along the lines of 'why can I not see anything?'.

It depresses me deeply that the last object on earth I will ever see, in my life, is a dying flower. Almost clichéd in a way. If it was in a book I'd probably be like "Yeah right, stop trying to sound so poetic", but it's the truth.

A withered, dying, jaded rose.

Needless to say, my mother was taken aback to hear the words "Mom, I. . . I can't see you.", coming from my mouth. She thought I was kidding, so much so that she took me back to see 'the man'; the optician.

"Your son is blind.", to her.

"Son, you're blind.", to me.

I'm not sure when it really dawned on me, or whether it ever really has, that I'm blind. Maybe it never will.

Sometimes it pisses me off that in a world where the majority can see, I am unable to. I sometimes hypothesise what it would be like if roles were reversed, and the majority were blind, and I could see.

I guess it would make for a good comic book or something.

I sometimes wonder what I would do, if I could see again. Maybe I'd travel, see the world. Maybe I wouldn't, I don't know. Seems to me that the novelty of sight would wear off on me again within about 3 months.

Still, beats darkness.

Goebbles...

Although your hair looks like it was taken from the A-Ha school of hairdressery,

Although your jokes were stolen from a bag addressed to Lee Evans,

Although you make fences to keep people apart,

Although your taste in films is that of a Champion of Shit,

Although all the music albums you have, I would burn in a haste,

Although you claim to be attracted to women of the opposite sex,

Although you admit to never polishing your trumpet,

Although you try to fit in,


I love you.


Because you are a Nazi.